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Breaking Up When You Have Kids Together

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Going through a breakup is hard enough without the involvement of kids. Here are some tips for keeping your kids happy when breaking up.

Try to act civil in front of the kids

Arguments between you and your partner should take place in private. Try to act civil in front of your kids for their sake even if you have to really hold your tongue. Seeing the two of you in conflict will only cause distress. You need to show strength for them even if your relationship is broken so that your kids still feel they have some stability. Make sure that you’re also not using your kid as a messenger or using them as counselor to vent your anger at your partner – it’s best to keep them out of the conflict altogether.

Let your kids know it’s not their fault

When it comes to telling your kids that you’re breaking up, it’s important to not let your kids feel that it is their fault. If they feel they are the problem, they may start to feel unloved. Your kids need to understand that it’s a problem between you and your partner that they cannot fix and that you will continue loving them afterward.

Know when to get legal/financial help

You and your partner will need to decide how to share out time spent with your kids as well as how to share out funding. Whilst many couples are able to come to a mutual agreement on this, other couples may run into conflict. You could find that your partner wants control of the children or is unwilling to offer funding. In such situations, you may need to hire a legal professional such as a child custody lawyer. Alternatively, you may simply need help from a counselor or an advisor.

Be there for your kids

It’s all too easy to get caught up in the process of breaking up that you forget to spend time with your kids. Your kids need your emotional support during this time so try to spend quality time with them when you can. If you can, try to keep a sense of familiarity in certain routines you may have had with your partner. This could include keeping to the same schedule and continuing the same activities.

Warn your kids before introducing new partners

When it comes to introducing a new partner, make sure that your kids are ready for it – don’t just throw it on them as a surprise. Not only are your kids likely to appreciate this, but your new partner may also appreciate this, allowing you to meet in the right place at the right time. If you plan to move in with a new partner, you may also want to give your kids time to adjust to your new partner first.

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Successful Black Parenting is a positive, uplifting publication that supports and advocates for Black parents internationally. We help you to build your children up, so that society can’t break them down.


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