By Janice Robinson-Celeste

Following the guilty verdict in the Karmelo Anthony case, many Black parents are finding themselves engaged in conversations that have little to do with legal arguments and everything to do with raising Black children in an uncertain world. According to The Grio, “some Black families are reconsidering life in primarily White communities.”

While the case has caused more division and sparked fierce debates across social media and cable news, another discussion is unfolding in living rooms, at dinner tables, and during car rides home from school. Parents are wrestling with a question that feels both urgent and deeply personal: What should children be taught about self-defense, personal safety, and standing up for themselves when the consequences of getting it wrong can be life-changing?

For many Black families, the emotional response to the verdict goes beyond the details of a single case. The reaction is rooted in years of navigating racism, balancing messages about confidence and caution, courage and restraint, and self-advocacy and self-preservation.

Black parents have long carried the responsibility of preparing children not only for success, but also for situations where they may need to make split-second decisions about their own safety. The Karmelo Anthony verdict has brought those concerns back to the surface, prompting many parents to revisit conversations they thought they had already figured out.

What should children be taught about self-defense, personal safety, and standing up for themselves when the consequences of getting it wrong can be life-changing?

Why This Issue Is Affecting Us Right Now

The concern many parents are expressing is not necessarily about whether they agree or disagree with the jury’s decision. Rather, it is about what children take away from highly publicized cases involving conflict, fear, and self-defense. In an era when teenagers consume breaking news through TikTok clips, YouTube commentary, and Instagram reels, many young people are forming opinions before their parents even have an opportunity to discuss the facts with them.

As a result, some parents report hearing questions that are difficult to answer. Children want to know what they should do if someone threatens them. They ask whether standing up for themselves could get them into trouble. They wonder what happens when a bully refuses to stop. These questions do not come from a place of legal analysis. They come from a child’s desire to feel safe and understand the rules of the world around them.

The challenge is that many Black parents are struggling with those same questions. For decades, families have taught children to avoid conflict whenever possible, to seek help from trusted adults, and to remain aware of their surroundings. At the same time, parents have also taught children that their boundaries matter and that they should not accept abuse or mistreatment. Finding the balance between those messages has never been easy. Cases like this can make that balance feel even more complicated.

Whitley Grant-Goodman, a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor Supervisor (LCMHCS) with over a decade of experience and a Ph.D. examining racial trauma among Black women professionals in historically White environments, said, “A lot of those conversations sound like, ‘If something happens at school, tell me.’ They sound like, ‘Find an adult you trust.’ They sound like, ‘You never have to shrink yourself to make someone else comfortable.’ And after a child experiences racism or bias, they often sound like, ‘This is not your fault, and this does not define who you are.’

The Self-Defense Dilemma Facing Black Families

What makes this conversation particularly difficult is that most parents are not looking for legal guidance. They are looking for parenting guidance. They want to know how to raise children who are both safe and confident. They want to teach their children that their lives have value while also helping them understand the importance of thoughtful decision-making during moments of conflict.

“In my practice, I’ve worked with parents who carry tremendous guilt because they wish they could shield their child from these experiences entirely,” said Grant-Goodman. “The reality is that most are doing the best they can to prepare their children without stealing their joy.”

Many parents describe feeling trapped between two fears. On one side is the fear that a child may be harmed because they failed to recognize danger or assert themselves when necessary. On the other side is the fear that a child may make a decision during a heated moment that changes the course of their life forever. The tension between those fears is what makes conversations about self-defense so emotionally charged.

So What Can Parents Do Now?

To be clear, this article is not suggesting that the Anthony family failed to teach or practice these strategies. Rather, it highlights the steps legal experts say can provide both the greatest physical safety and the strongest legal protection when a confrontation escalates.

Robert Tsigler, founder and lead attorney of the Law Offices of Robert Tsigler, PLLC, has represented clients facing serious felony charges in New York, New Jersey, and federal courts throughout the United States. He believes parents should teach children that creating distance and seeking help are often the safest first responses when they feel threatened.

“Children who are truly threatened should try to withdraw and should engage adult witnesses in the first instance before taking any action. The best legal claim is one in which the person attempted to retreat but did not succeed. In states without Stand Your Ground laws, a child who ran to safety and is nonetheless attacked makes the strongest case for self-defense available.”

Tsigler recommends that children move toward populated areas when possible and make it clear to those around them that they feel unsafe. He says that loudly telling the bully and nearby witnesses that they do not feel safe, while calling 911 in front of others, can help protect both their physical safety and their legal interests.

He also believes Black families must have these conversations with their children through a different lens because of documented disparities in how children’s actions are perceived and punished.

“There are documented disparities in the way a Black child responds in a similar way to a white child in a similar situation and the penalties received for the response,” said Tsigler. “It’s for this reason that this discussion is even more relevant for Black families and that it must be approached in a different way as parents.”

One strategy he recommends is helping children practice verbal de-escalation through rehearsed responses or “scripts.” According to Tsigler, each effort a child makes to calm a situation or move toward safety before using physical force may become important evidence if the incident is later reviewed by school officials, law enforcement, or the courts.

He suggested leading children in rehearsed answers as “scripts”. Each time you use de-escalation skills verbally and each time you take a concrete step toward safety before touching, you establish evidence that can impact a criminal case later.

What Parents Can Teach Their Children Before Conflict Escalates

• Create distance from the conflict whenever possible.
• Move toward adults, teachers, coaches, security personnel, or other trusted witnesses.
• Stay in well-populated areas where others can see and hear what is happening.
• Clearly and loudly state, “I don’t want to fight” or “I don’t feel safe.”
• Make sure witnesses can hear attempts to de-escalate the situation.
• Seek help from an adult before responding physically whenever possible.
• Call 911 if there is a genuine threat to safety.
• Practice de-escalation “scripts” at home so children know what to say under stress.
• Teach children to communicate boundaries verbally before resorting to physical action.
• Reinforce that walking away is not weakness. It is often the safest and smartest choice.
• Help children understand that every effort to avoid violence may become important evidence later.
• Discuss how racial bias can affect how a child’s actions are perceived and why remaining calm, visible, and verbal can be especially important.
• Successful Black Parenting Magazine always recommends martial arts classes for children from a young age, which teach proper de-escalation before resorting to defense.
• Create a family safety plan for handling bullying, threats, intimidation, and escalating conflicts before they happen.

Sample De-Escalation Scripts for Kids

• “I don’t want any problems.”
• “I’m leaving now.”
• “Please stay away from me.”
• “I don’t feel safe.”
• “I’m going to get an adult.”
• “Stop. I don’t want to fight.”
• “Everyone can hear me. I don’t want any trouble.”
• “I’m calling for help.”

This second list is particularly valuable because it turns Tsigler’s advice into something parents can actually practice with their children.

The reality is that most situations children face do not begin as life-threatening encounters. Instead, they often involve bullying, peer pressure, social conflict, threats, intimidation, or escalating arguments. Those everyday experiences shape how children think about safety, boundaries, and self-protection.