Helping a Child Describe What Feels Scary About the Dentist

Dental anxiety can affect both children and adults. Although modern techniques have made dental procedures more comfortable, kids may still feel nervous at the dentist because the environment is unfamiliar and they don’t know what to expect.

Children fear the dentist for many reasons, and sometimes it has nothing to do with the actual doctor. Oftentimes, all it takes is bringing kids to an unfamiliar environment for them to start fidgeting, but they can also struggle with accepting that they’re not in control of the situation and have to trust the dentist. If a child had an uncomfortable experience during a previous visit, they might expect similar discomfort next time and become reluctant to return.

To help your kids overcome their fears, they should describe how they feel and what they want, but words often don’t come easily. Here’s how to guide them into communicating their emotions.

Reveal to Them How the Visit Should Go

One of the most common reasons kids fear the dentist is uncertainty about what will be involved. When you bring your kid to the dentist for the first time, you can describe what the visit will be like so they know what to expect and can better manage their nervousness.

With small kids, the easiest way to do this is to play dentist and take turns pretending to be the dentist and the patient. As you play together, you may be able to figure out potential fears, such as when you ask them to stay still and they refuse. This would be a great starting point for a real conversation.

However, if this is the second or third time they’re going to the dentist and they still struggle, try another game: ask kids to draw a picture of the dentist’s office and analyze it together to figure out which part is scarier.

Help Them With Questions

If your description of the visit is still unhelpful, it’s time to start asking the right questions. Instead of making them come up with the right words, you can gather what’s wrong from how they answer or react. It may not be as simple as asking, “Why are you scared?” because it is too generic and can confuse them, so try to be specific.

According to the practice leader at Perfect Smiles Dentistry in Everett, Washington, your role as a parent is very important in reducing your child’s fears. “When your child says they’re scared of the dentist, start by listening and gently asking, “Can you tell me what’s worrying you?” Let them explain their feelings in their own words without suggesting fears they haven’t mentioned. Sometimes, children are simply nervous because they don’t know what to expect, and that’s completely normal.”

Don’t assume kids are too young to understand the situation. “You can help by explaining the visit in simple, positive terms. Tell them we’ll count their teeth, check their smile, take pictures (X-rays) of their teeth if they’re ready, and gently brush and floss their teeth. Avoid overwhelming them with details or promising that nothing will hurt.”

The final step in doing your part as a parent is to provide comfort. “Most importantly, reassure your child that it’s okay to feel nervous and that you’ll be there to support them. A little patience, preparation, and understanding can go a long way toward making dental visits a positive experience.” 

It also helps to pick a practice that can treat the whole family at the same time. Some dental clinics, like Perfect Smiles Dentistry’s family dental team, can book parents and children back-to-back on the same day. This allows your child to see you sitting in the chair first, and you’re right there when it’s their turn.

Avoid Being Dismissive

One of the biggest mistakes parents make when trying to calm their kids is being dismissive in the hope they will magically realize their fears are unfounded. When you resort to “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” you’re practically putting a barrier between you and them, so they might start thinking there’s no need to talk to you about their concerns anymore.

Yes, it’s important to use positive language when talking to them, but when you say again, “You have to be brave,” instead of finding the reason for their fear, you may make them feel their concerns aren’t being heard. Try saying things in a fun way, like “We’re going to the dentist so they can clean your teeth and make them stronger”. If they like animals, you can tell them they’ll have teeth like a crocodile!

The wrong approach is to tell them things like “It won’t hurt” when the kid may feel discomfort in some cases and mistake it for pain. If your child worries about pain, let them know the dental team can use special techniques to manage it, such as local anesthesia.

Ask Them for a Review of the Visit

Finally, while the pre-dental session talk is important, ask how they felt at the dentist after the procedure. You can turn this into an opportunity to bond with the dentist by making jokes about their favorite superheroes having to go to the dentist too, so they feel more comfortable telling you how they felt.

However, you can wait until you’re home to ask them how they felt, what they liked and didn’t like, if the dentist was nice to them, etc. What’s most important is to watch out for your reaction upon hearing their opinion. Let them finish their sentence, listen carefully, and avoid reacting negatively if they say they didn’t like the experience. It can be hard to get it right the first time, so start again by asking the right questions to identify the real cause of their discomfort.

Ready to Turn Dental Visits Into Adventures?

The thought of going to the dentist scares even the bravest adults, so it is no wonder kids have a hard time with it too. But as a parent, you can shift the pattern and help your kids feel less afraid of dentists with simple steps like telling them what to expect and using positive language. The biggest mistake to avoid is dismissing their emotions; instead, ask specific questions before and after the visit and give them space to share what’s on their mind.