A Hopeful Mother: Planned Pregnancy, Unplanned Emotions

By Shundrika Baker

Before I heard the news, it felt like the sky was keeping a secret. It was a calm day, but the trees swayed as the wind whispered through the leaves, and the clouds began to sprinkle water droplets. Somewhere between the calm and the uncertainty, my life was about to transform.

I was in the examination room, waiting for the OB/GYN. I remember her coming in smiling, followed by the words, “You’re pregnant!”

Suddenly, I felt like the happiest person in the world. It was a bittersweet moment I couldn’t change. The small announcement carried the weight of an entire future. I was sitting on the edge of a new season. This season would introduce me to the greatest role I had ever been given. We were about to be parents!

We walked outside of the facility and were met by rays of sunlight. Dad tried to encourage me with his joy. The truth was, I was feeling incomplete yet favored.

Before the appointment, before the results, and before I knew his father’s prayers had been answered, there was a whole journey that led up to that life-changing news.

We had been planning for our bundle of joy for over a year. His dad was anticipating my pregnancy. Test after test, he would ask, “Not yet?” His hope often turned into sadness.

Parenthood wasn’t something I felt prepared to fully step into at the time. I was only 25 years young, and I enjoyed not having the responsibility of caring for another human being. My spirit felt conflicted about parenting, but nonetheless, here I was, about to become a mommy.

I understood that becoming a parent meant taking on an important role. Your touch, time, treasure, and talent all mattered. That seemed far too challenging to manage for a young woman who still needed to grow herself. This called for a transformed mindset. 

Another heart began to beat within me as time went on. I became overjoyed as I prepared for my son. I prepared his nursery as I cried tears of joy. I was about to carry the greatest title of all, motherhood, a title that would stand alongside becoming a woman of God.

One morning, my mom and I went to Walmart to shop for his arrival. As I picked up his items, I felt overwhelmed with bliss. I had almost everything in the buggy except a bassinet. My mom came around the aisle with it, smiling with confidence, knowing she had done well for her grandchild.

To this day, shopping for my baby with my mom will forever be a keepsake in my heart. All of my child’s needs would be met. I knew I would be the best, loving mother I could be. I’m nurturing by design. Children don’t ask to be here, and in some cases, parents don’t feel completely prepared for them either.

In 2009, among the black women who had recently given birth, 65.2% reported that their pregnancies were unintended, while approximately 34.8% reported that their pregnancies were intended. These numbers reflected women ages 18–44. And then there was me. My own story unfolding within a statistic, yet becoming something far more personal than a number.

My pregnancy wasn’t something I had carefully planned at that point in my life. Yet somehow, within the uncertainty, the love I felt for my unborn child was true. My story was the beginning of a journey that would shape my heart from the inside out, much like the symbol of a heart itself, a representation of love.

With wisdom, you understand that some choices can leave lasting marks. This mark just happens to be beautiful. Being blessed to care for what grew inside me keeps me forever grateful. God has never left me to raise my children alone.

Before you begin to judge my story, take the time to understand it. As a 25-year-old woman, I wanted to get married. I knew I could become a single parent. I cared for my partner, and I had also agreed to plan a pregnancy, one that I truly didn’t think would actually happen at the time. Whereas other women may have been fully prepared, married, and ready to become a mother at 25, I was still learning who I was and what motherhood would require of me.

To every woman who has ever found herself standing where she didn’t expect to be, I want you to know that an unexpected beginning does not mean an unworthy ending. You may not have had everything figured out. You may have felt afraid, uncertain, or even unprepared. Be hopeful. Give yourself permission to grow through what you go through. When you see your growth, you’ll understand that the lessons you experienced can become a testimony of the woman you were becoming all along.