A Parent’s Guide to Grief and Loss with ‘Where’s Grandma?’

October 3, 2024

October 3, 2024

Loss is a profound experience, especially for children. In her poignant children’s book, Where’s Grandma, Tracey Smith sensitively explores the themes of bereavement, grief and loss, through the eyes of a young girl named Jordyn. This book takes readers through Jordyn’s journey as she deals with the loss of someone close to and very dear to her. Throughout the story, Jordyn’s emotions are up, down, and everywhere in between. She is filled with questions: Where did she go, and what does it mean to transition?

The book cover

As Jordyn looks to her Mommy for guidance on how to navigate her feelings during this time, Where’s Grandma beautifully illustrates the close relationship between Jordyn and her great-grandma, bringing to light some of the special moments they shared, such as playing games and watching Jordyn’s favorite movie together. This beautifully illustrated children’s book deals with loss, grief, and bereavement from a child’s perspective.

Accompanying the story are several fill-in the blank journal entries included in the back of the book, which can assist children in expressing their feelings and emotions as they cope with the loss of a loved one. This safe space for children preserves memories of their special person, helping them navigate their grief and emotions from day to day.

Age-Based Approaches to Grief and Loss

As parents, it’s crucial to understand how to support our children during such difficult times. Here are some age-specific strategies to help children manage their grief:

Toddlers (Ages 1-3)

For toddlers, grief can manifest through changes in behavior. They may become clingy or display tantrums. Here are ways to support them:

  • Keep It Simple: Use clear, straightforward language to explain loss. For example, “Grandma has gone to sleep and won’t wake up.”
  • Reassure Them: Provide plenty of comfort and reassurance. Let them know it’s okay to feel sad and that they are loved and safe.

Preschoolers (Ages 4-5)

Preschoolers may struggle to understand the permanence of death. Their grief is often expressed through play. Here’s how to help:

  • Encourage Play: Allow them to express their feelings through dolls or toys. Engage in imaginative play that reflects their feelings about loss.
  • Read Together: Books like Where’s Grandma can help them articulate their feelings. Encourage discussions about the story and their own experiences.

Early Elementary (Ages 6-8)

Children in this age group begin to grasp the concept of death but may feel confused or anxious. To support them:

  • Create Rituals: Establish family rituals to honor the deceased, like lighting a candle or sharing stories about them.
  • Open Dialogue: Encourage them to ask questions and share their feelings. Normalize the conversation around grief, making it a safe space for them to express themselves.

Middle Childhood (Ages 9-12)

Older children often feel the impact of loss more deeply and may experience a range of emotions from anger to guilt. Here’s how to assist them:

  • Journaling: The journals included in Where’s Grandma can be a valuable tool. Encourage them to write letters to their loved ones or share their feelings in a journal.
  • Seek Professional Help: If needed, don’t hesitate to seek support from a grief counselor or psychologist. It’s essential to address any underlying emotional challenges.

Teens (Ages 13-18)

Teenagers experience grief differently, often grappling with complex emotions and a desire for independence. To support them:

  • Encourage Expression: Create a safe environment for them to talk about their feelings. Encourage them to express their grief through art, music, or writing.
  • Connect with Peers: Encourage them to talk with friends who may have experienced similar losses. Peer support can be invaluable during this time.
  • Professional Support: Be open to seeking therapy or support groups that specifically address teenage grief. Professional help can provide the necessary tools to cope effectively.
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As Elvire Cajuste, a counselor, notes, “Grief is one of those things that is never-ending. A sound, a smell, a feeling is all it takes to be reminded of the loss of a family member, and it doesn’t matter how much time has passed.” It’s vital for parents to validate their children’s feelings and let them know that it’s okay to grieve.

Cajuste emphasizes, “Grief isn’t a feeling that needs to be managed but should be accepted in children, so they know they aren’t alone in the feelings.” Encouraging storytelling, art, or memory-sharing sessions can provide constructive outlets for expressing grief.

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In the African American community, children often face unique challenges when dealing with grief. Factors such as higher rates of violence and health disparities contribute to disproportionate loss at younger ages. Cultural norms may influence how children express their emotions, and historical trauma can shape their understanding of loss.

Resources like Camp Good Grief by New York Life provide programs specifically designed to help children cope with grief in a supportive environment. They serve children and teens aged 5 to 18 who are coping with the loss of a loved one. The program is designed to provide age-appropriate support, allowing participants to connect with peers who are experiencing similar grief, engage in therapeutic activities, and learn coping strategies in a safe environment.

Where’s Grandma serves as a powerful tool for parents and children alike. By reading this book together, families can open the door to important conversations about loss and grief. As we navigate these difficult discussions, it’s essential to remember that grief is a journey—not a destination. No one has to go through this process alone. For further support, reach out to mental health professionals or explore resources tailored to grieving children.

By providing understanding and tools, we can help our children learn to express their feelings in healthy ways, ensuring they feel supported as they navigate their grief.

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