6-minute read

by Janice Robinson-Celeste

Black women are soaring—outpacing every demographic in higher education and leading in entrepreneurship, leadership, and social impact. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, Black women earn 64.1% of bachelor’s degrees, 71.5% of master’s degrees, and 65.9% of all doctoral-level degrees awarded to Black students. This success is a point of pride for the Black community, but it also forces a reckoning with how these shifts affect the traditional cisgender Black family structure. Is the Black family at risk?

The Black Woman’s Rising Expectations

Many of these educated and accomplished Black women are seeking romantic partners who match their drive, ambition, and emotional maturity. But this search for a so-called “quality man” often hits a wall. Educated Black women are more likely than their White counterparts to remain unmarried or marry “down” in terms of education or finances. According to the Brookings Institution, while 84% of college-educated White women marry other college graduates, only 49% of Black women with degrees do the same.

“I believe as Black women gain more economic power and educational access, traditional partnership dynamics are shifting. Many Black women are no longer choosing to shrink themselves to try and fit outdated roles,” said Evon Inyang, a Licensed Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and Relationship Therapist at ForwardUs Counseling. She also said, “They are defining love and family not by tradition, but the need for emotional safety, shared values, and mutual respect. There has been a real shift. Black women are no longer choosing partners based on survival needs, pressure, or expectation but on alignment and choice.”

But is there more to it than that? This imbalance isn’t simply about personal preference—it also reflects a deep social and systemic problem rooted in the history of how Black men have been treated in America.

“Black women earn 64.1% of bachelor’s degrees, 71.5% of master’s degrees, and 65.9% of all doctoral-level degrees awarded to Black students.”

The Shrinking Pool of “Marriageable” Black Men

The problem is not that there are no good Black men—it’s that the systems in place undermine their access to opportunity, creating scarcity in the dating pool for women who have achieved more traditional markers of success.

From a young age, Black boys are disproportionately disciplined in school, tracked into lower academic programs, and overrepresented in juvenile justice systems. As they grow into adulthood, they face racial bias in hiring, wage gaps, and are significantly more likely to be targeted by police, arrested, and incarcerated—sometimes for the same actions that wouldn’t even merit a warning in other communities.

These outcomes are not about personal failure—they are the result of intergenerational trauma and systemic neglect. So when we talk about a shortage of “marriageable Black men,” we are really talking about a country that has failed to support Black men at every stage of life.

Where the Concern Really Lies

The concern is not with the independence of Black women, or their refusal to settle. That’s empowerment. The deeper issue is the lack of structural investment in Black men. If we genuinely care about preserving and uplifting Black families—whether traditional, blended, same-sex, or chosen families—we must address the root causes that leave Black men behind.

This includes:

• Mass Incarceration: Black men are incarcerated at nearly six times the rate of White men, often for nonviolent offenses. This not only removes them from families but also burdens them with criminal records that limit their future employment, housing, and voting rights.
• Educational Inequity: Underfunded schools, biased disciplinary practices, and limited access to higher education have stalled many Black boys and men before they’ve had a fair chance to succeed.
• Mental Health Support: Black men face and internalize stigmas surrounding therapy and mental health, yet they are among the most affected by trauma, racism, and depression. Without culturally competent care, many suffer in silence.
• Unemployment and Economic Barriers: Systemic discrimination in hiring, layoffs that disproportionately impact Black workers, and wage gaps continue to prevent economic mobility. A man without financial security is more likely to feel unworthy of partnership, especially in a society that still frames men as providers.
• Cultural Narratives That Harm: Society often paints Black men as either hyper-masculine and aggressive or emotionally unavailable. These narratives, combined with unrealistic expectations about gender roles, cause friction in modern relationships.

It’s Time to Evolve the Definition of Family

In the absence of structural support for Black men, Black women are evolving how they build families. More Black women are choosing to parent alone, pursue same-sex relationships, or date interracially. The result is a new family landscape where the nuclear, cisgender heterosexual couple will no longer be the default.

This shift doesn’t mean Black love is dead—it means we might need to redefine what Black love looks like. Love, commitment, and family can take many forms. However, to ensure that cisgender Black couples remain a viable option, we need to invest in both Black women and Black men equally and intentionally.

“Long-held ideas about love, marriage, and family are being completely restructured. Does this mean the cisgender Black family structure is at risk? Not at all, it is actually evolving in my opinion,” says Val Bastien, M.S., a Dating & Relationship Coach at Love Lessons By Val. He also said, “As Black women gain more degrees and higher education as well as financial independence, it is no longer about individual success, it is about forming relationships based on mutual respect, and shared responsibilities which begin to destroy challenges such as economic inequality.” 

And Another Thing

Black women are not abandoning Black men—they are simply no longer willing to wait for systems to catch up. They are creating joy, legacy, and future on their own terms. But that doesn’t mean we should stop fighting for a world where Black men are supported, nurtured, and uplifted in equal measure.

The real threat to the cisgender Black family isn’t high standards—it’s systemic abandonment. If we want to preserve the possibility of strong Black families of all kinds, then we must address the disparities that keep Black men from reaching their full potential. Empowering Black men is not just about saving relationships—it’s about securing the future of our community.

When you factor in the state of the economy, the erosion of reproductive rights, rising maternal and infant mortality rates, and the growing number of women—especially Black women—choosing not to have children, the Black family as we knew it is transforming. TikTok influencer Jerrilyn Lake seems to have described this dilemma well in one of her recent videos titled, Why Are Women Having Fewer Children? It all raises an urgent question: What is the future of the Black family?

What do you think?

NAFEL